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Danielle Flood talks about the impact being part of Team Colostomy UK has had on husband John and their family.
Did John have his stoma when you both got together?
No, when we first met I was told by a friend who knew him that he suffered with some stomach issues but that was it. John kept quite a lot to himself in the early days, trying to keep some of the mystique of an early relationship I think! But it was quite obvious to me that things weren’t ok. We actually moved in together pretty quickly so things became a bit more obvious as around that time his medical infusions stopped and the ulcerative colitis came with a vengeance. It wasn’t too long after that when the consultant said basically the only option was the surgery for him to have the jpouch formed and a temporary stoma.
He managed to propose to me a month before the surgery while we were in Italy (another link to Gio!) I think to make sure I wasn’t going anywhere (I wasn’t anyway!) So from that point on I’ve been there for every surgery, recovery, problem etc so I’ve seen a lot!
John had 29 surgeries in four years, how do you think that impacted his health (physical and mental) and how did impact on you guys as a family?
It was incredibly hard, I can’t lie. In some ways it was lucky that it was just the two of us at that point (Theo came along 10 months after his final major surgery) as to juggle a baby/child in amongst all of that would have been nigh on impossible. I don’t want to scare people as John was very unlucky with rare complications with how his surgery and recovery went but it was a pretty horrendous time for him physically and mentally and for me mentally too – I was juggling working full time in London, being his carer, hospital visits, keeping his spirits up and having the constant fear that I was going to lose him. John admits that he struggled during that time and it has left him with some mental trauma. We kind of had to re-learn how to be a “normal” couple again whose lives didn’t revolve around hospitals and surgeries! However, I would say it’s made us a very strong couple – we talk about things, are very open about everything and that leads down to Theo too who is totally aware of John’s stoma, what it does, why he has it and attempts to help change his bag too! It’s just complete normality for him that his daddy has a stoma.
John was told he’d never play rugby again. What do you think made him ignore that advice and join Team Colostomy UK?
His stubbornness! Haha! Not being able to play rugby for him was gutting (I was pleased as I hoped it would mean less breakages for him!) but I could see how much it affected him so when Team Colostomy UK came about I could see how excited he was and couldn’t do anything other than support him with it.
what impact has playing for us had on John in your eyes?
He loves it, it’s had such a positive impact on him and not just from the aspect of being able to play rugby again. The team are brilliant and the support they all give each other is amazing – whether it’s advice/information around stomas/surgeries/medications etc or mental health support they’re all there for each other. It’s also helped John become more outspoken about his stoma – he never tried to hide the fact he had one as such but being part of the team has made him more confident in sharing more on social media about it all and even becoming a “buddy” for someone going through the process of surgery themselves.
You and Theo are both part of our family too. What impact has the spirit and friendship amongst our group had on the three of you?
It’s been amazing to be part of. Theo’s first game attendance was the first ever game in Medway when I was pregnant with him and he’s been to as many games as possible since then (Wales, London, Medway, Leeds to name a few!) He loves it and feels like he’s involved, the team are brilliant with him and play on the side-lines with him, and when other players bring their children too they all play together too.
From a wife perspective I’ve always felt welcome and involved, whether at the actual game or socially afterwards it’s just genuinely a lovely group to be around. It’s also hilarious to be around people where poo is talked about on a regular basis and no one bats an eye! I think everyone (whether player or partner) feels so comfortable being with people who truly get it that there’s no glossing over things like you perhaps would with others. Honestly, if anyone’s unsure as a partner whether to go along I’d say do it – you’re joining a great group of people!
